Thinking about Success

I've been thinking recently about success. There was a time when we were doing really well in the ways of the world. Phil had a great job as an engineer, I've always enjoyed my part time job; we had a great marriage nice boys, a healthy church family, close proximity to family; a new minivan and a nice house in the suburbs of a truly cool city.

When I thought about my friends, I felt like I was pretty much the most blessed. Maybe that was pride, but it felt like an honest assessment.

We have friends today who are marvelously successful. The Lord blesses the work of their hands, has given them passion and opportunity. And I was horrified to realize that I felt envious. (The enneagram, one of my favorite personality profiles, shows that when I'm not doing very well, I tend to fall into envy. While it's uncomfortable to be so predictable, I think that's accurate.)

As I thought about this little spurt of envy, I think there's a part for me that feels frustrated that, despite the combined intelligence of Phil and I, despite our love of learning and research, our reading and actual attempts, we just aren't having much success here. Yet.

I feel like, "No, we really are awesome people! The farm should reflect how awesome we are!" And there is nothing that feels awesome about the farm right now.

I watered my 21 little pawpaw sprouts, my 25 or so little osage orange sprouts and thought, "This is not nothing." That is a tiny bit of progress. But from a "sustainable farming" standpoint, it's awfully close to nothing.

There's a verse that says, "So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase." That's in the context of conversion; I'd like to hope it's applicable to real farming, too. And I'd like to hope for increase.

Before that, though, I suppose there's an acknowledgement that if our labor is unto the Lord, we can be thankful for the ways he's growing us, and also rejoice in the success of our friends.